[actual] conversation with Nick today

Me: I dunno... this would probably be a good time for me to put less energy into dating, and just do more stuff I like doing. The whole rollercoaster is kinda wearing me out, lately. I just want to take a break. Like, drink Jaeger, and make birdhouses?

Nick: That'd be cool. You can set a really nice one up outside, and when a lady comes to look at it, BAM, trapdoor! Then the wooing begins...

Me: ...somebody give this man a raise.